Archive for the ‘plans’ Category

Frack

I couldn’t think of another post title.

I wrote this yesterday morning…

OK, new day. Unfortunately I woke up feeling sad and had a bit of a cry in the car this morning. But I just have to get on with it. I have to make this a good week and hope that the scales reward me appropriately. There’s no other option really is there? And I do think I’m a tiny bit smaller. My work trousers feel a bit looser.

Breakfast:

Green smoothie – frozen spinach, banana, light soya milk (heA)

Snack:

Fruit salad

Lunch:

Salad box from covered market (heB x 2 for oil and seeds)

Tea:

Jacket pot and beans

And I did that, foodwise, until after tea. And I went to the gym after work! And then it went wrong. Chocolate covered marzipan, toast, a crumpet and some homemade muffins from the freezer. Stupid stuff, with lots of margarine. No need for any of it. I felt shit as I ate it and I felt worse after.

Today….

Went to the gym this morning, at 8am. And that was good but I’ve been “off plan” all day. Not bingey, but not normal eating. Porridge and one crumpet for breakfast, jacket pot with marg and beans for lunch, 3 slices of toast with jam for tea. Biscuits and tea in between.

I’ve said it before, but exercise is so good for my mental health. Even if my eating doesn’t go according to plan, the gym makes me feel good. Hence my decision to go tomorrow morning. It won’t erase silly food behaviour, but it will make me feel a bit better.

OK, at least this silliness is at the beginning of my slimming world week, which means I can try to make up for it by thursday and hopefully not get super stressed about weigh in.

Plans!

Sun: gym, green smoothie, baked beans and veggie sausages, fruit ryvitas, brocolli cheez (this sauce), and make something beany for work lunches

Mon: gym, green smoothie, beany something for lunch,  possibly eating out for tea in which case salad, or otherwise beans and veggie sausages

Tue: gym, green smoothie, beany something for lunch, seeing friends after work, something quick for tea like cereal?

I just need to snap out of it, and get back to the mindset I had last week. It felt good, and in control, and normal. I think I am out of the crazy now. It’s TOTM on tuesday so hopefully that won’t knock me off balance too much – I always end up feeling a bit bloaty. I just need to remember how ace 12.4 felt, and how good I’ll feel if I could be that, or even a bit smaller for our holiday in May, and how much easier life is when thursdays aren’t the most stressful day ever, and food isn’t the enemy.

Exercise plan for this week

Mon – gym before work

Tue – gym before work

Wed – Yoga

Thur – None (SW)

Fri – gym before work

Sat – gym in the morning

Sun – yoga in the evening

I got weighed

Latte with caramel syrup (heA + 4)

Banana

Apple

Nakd bar – berry (heB)

20 cashews (heB)

I got weighed. First week in ages of being sensible, went to the gym 4 times, yoga once, stayed within syns, walked lots.

Lost half a pound.

Are you fracking kidding me? Bollocks. I feel pretty cheated actually. And it’s not the best situation, exercise lots, eat well, lose a pathetic amount of weight. I deserve more than that. And the silly thing is, before I got weighed, I was fairly convinced I’d have lost about 2 pounds, and I was feeling good. But then I lost half a pound and now I’m in a right grump. And I binged. I could pretend it was “indulging” but it wasn’t. Eating a vegetable samosa really quickly while driving home and then being paranoid about having samosa breath which might be noticed by your partner? That’s not normal. Then at home, another samosa, humous, pittas, half a small packet of crisps and 6 jammy dodgers. I guess the stuff I had at home could count as indulgence, it was the car which was crazy behaviour.

Ho hum. Onward. I guess I just need to get on with it, and get back on it and not lose the plot any more. I need to go to weigh-in next week knowing I deserve to lose weight. Maybe I’ll try and have 5-8 syns per day.

Here’s a couple of positives:

  • I ate today. Not loads, but some. I’m feeling good about that. Over time I will build up to eating breakfast and lunch (even if it’s cereal and salad), but for the time being, what I had today is huge progress.
  • It was lovely going to SW knowing that I deserved to lose weight. I was nervous while in the queue, but not deep down dreading it.
  • I got into lotus pose at yoga last night. And after yoga I felt amazing. Alive.

Plan for this week:

  • 5-8 syns per day
  • Gym lots, and do yoga at home once
  • Green smoothies for breakfasts
  • Jacket potatoes for tea

It is tough working so hard all week and not being rewarded with weight loss. But no-one said losing weight was easy did they? I just have to keep working at it and not give up.

The coming week

Just wanted to write plans for the coming week…

Mon: No exercise, I’ll go to the gym tomorrow instead. I have to get to work at silly o’clock because of the miserable shitfest which descended at hometime on friday. Can’t wait. 😦 then after work I’m giving blood and they recommend you don’t do strenuous stuff after.

Tue: Possibly the Oxford Vegans meeting, if they end up holding it on that day. In which case I’ll go to the gym before work.

Wed: Yoga class

Thur: SW

Fri: Gym before work

Sat: Gym in the morning

Sun: Yoga at home

The scales

For the last few months, I have been weighing myself on a regular basis. For the sake of my sanity, I’m stopping completely. I’ll only get weighed once a week, at SW. This will take willpower, because my partner likes to have the scales in the bathroom, but I’m just going to have to resist. It doesn’t do me any good. If I’ve done well, I think I’m invincible, and if I’ve done badly, I binge out of sadness. I end up miserable because of the scales no matter what happens. I’d rather have a suprise each thursday, but be sensible enough between weigh-ins to know that I should do ok.

Back again!

I’m back! Going to start recording my eats on here again. Notebooks are all well and good, but I end up having a silly day or two and then wanting to rip out loads of the notebook and start again, it’s bonkers.

I’ve been ill recently. I had the flu, and then a sinus infection (I’ll be on antibiotics til Sunday but I’m feeling much better). Obviously this has meant that not only have I not been moving much, but my food has been all over the place. The reality is that if I’m ill, I’m just not interested in cooking meals and eating sensibly. But hey. I’m feeling ok now so I’m back to sensibleness.

I really want to lose this weight. I have been messing about since xmas, and before then I was at a weight (12.3) that I was really pleased with. So I can’t get away from feeling like I’ve let myself down. But I just need to get back on it and stop thinking like that.

I ordered this book today, so it should arrive soon. And I want to be 11 stone by the summer. I can do this. 11 stone by July? Is that possible? I’m going to try.

Breakfast:

Banana, 2 wheat biscuits (heB) and light soya milk (heA)

Snack:

20 cashews (heB) and 3 caramel rice cakes (4.5)

Lunch:

Innocent veg pot – moroccan tagine with giant cous cous (6.5)

Sugar in tea x 1 (1)

Snack:

Mango

Tea:

Quinoa with smoked tofu, shallots, mushrooms, sweetcorn, seaweed and soy sauce

Tea with agave x 1 (0.5)

Snack:

Orange

  • Usual walk (both ways)
  • Total syns: 12.5

Focus on health

I seem to have forgotten about my health again. Not just physical. My mental health in relation to food/self image is in a right mess as a result. I guess the two things are so interlinked that they affect each other so much. I need to be so much more aware of this.

Since xmas I have just not been able to get “back on plan” at all. As soon as I tried, all the old nonsense crept in – binging, obsessing etc. I’ve been going to get weighed each week, and in the first week I gained 1.5, and last week I lost 1. But I’m so far away from where I was before xmas (was 12.3.5, now 12.8), and it makes me sad. I felt good at that weight. Really good. So close to a healthy BMI, so close to 12 stone (not been there for years). I felt “normal” and curvy instead of big and lumpy. I know that 4.5 pounds should be enough to affect me that much but much of it is how I feel about food reflected in how I feel about myself. And lots of the problem is that I eat crap, therefore don’t feel like I’ll ever lose weight, and it makes me feel fat and sad.

At SW this week I was talking to my friend about how the plan is tricky as a vegan. On the outside, it doesn’t look like it should be, but then you realise vegetarians have “free” yogurts and veggie burgers/sausages etc. There’s none of that for me. Maybe one day when I’m at goal I can mess about with it, cheating and seeing if it works, but for now I need to stick to the rules to lose weight. And that means that some yogurt and a couple of veggie sausages, and I’m up to about 10 syns for the day! Then a biscuit and my syns are used up. I wonder if this is what makes me lose it sometimes – if I have 3 biscutis, I’m over my days syns, it’s all gone wrong, why don’t I just eat the whole pack. Madness I know but that is my brain. The solution to this I guess is to make my own veggie burgers etc. more often. I could do this, and freeze them. And humous I could make too, and I could eat loads of it.

On another note, my SW friend has lost over 3 stone. I am happy for her, but I need to not compare or get myself down!

OK enough misery. Plans!

– Back on the green smoothies. When/why did I stop having these? Will experiment with frozen spinach tomorrow, as we have some and that will make them easier to do in the future.

– Lunches at work – homemade salads, tofu scramble, chilli, quinoa, recipes from cookbooks. Beans and lentils. Homemade humous with pitta and veg sticks.

– Snacks at work – nuts, seeds, fruit.

– Drinks at work – redbush tea or camomile. Keep tea with soya and agave as an evening treat at home.

– Teas – get back into cooking properly. Look at cookbooks. Curry, mac and cheese, chilli, pasta with veg, homemade soups, stir frys.

– Evening – Tea with soya and agave, and a nakd bar or soya yogurt.

OK. I just need to get back on it and feel good about myself again. I did an ashtanga yoga class on wednesday (never done it before! ouch) and it was intense and brilliant, but I felt fat and aware of being the biggest person in the room. Yoga shouldn’t be like that. It’s always been something which has brought me peace, so I want my next class to feel good.

In terms of this coming week, tomorrow will be a green smoothie and then I’ve made a seaweed and carrot salad with tahini and sesame seeds for lunch (! copied vaguely from a salad I had from saf a few weeks ago), and I have some smoked tofu. Tea will involve kale and cauliflower. On friday I am going to stay with a friend in scotland. I’ll do what I can to eat healthily then, it should be ok.

My body deserves healthy, good, fresh food. My mind deserves to be happy and content.