Archive for the ‘food diary’ Category

Frack

I couldn’t think of another post title.

I wrote this yesterday morning…

OK, new day. Unfortunately I woke up feeling sad and had a bit of a cry in the car this morning. But I just have to get on with it. I have to make this a good week and hope that the scales reward me appropriately. There’s no other option really is there? And I do think I’m a tiny bit smaller. My work trousers feel a bit looser.

Breakfast:

Green smoothie – frozen spinach, banana, light soya milk (heA)

Snack:

Fruit salad

Lunch:

Salad box from covered market (heB x 2 for oil and seeds)

Tea:

Jacket pot and beans

And I did that, foodwise, until after tea. And I went to the gym after work! And then it went wrong. Chocolate covered marzipan, toast, a crumpet and some homemade muffins from the freezer. Stupid stuff, with lots of margarine. No need for any of it. I felt shit as I ate it and I felt worse after.

Today….

Went to the gym this morning, at 8am. And that was good but I’ve been “off plan” all day. Not bingey, but not normal eating. Porridge and one crumpet for breakfast, jacket pot with marg and beans for lunch, 3 slices of toast with jam for tea. Biscuits and tea in between.

I’ve said it before, but exercise is so good for my mental health. Even if my eating doesn’t go according to plan, the gym makes me feel good. Hence my decision to go tomorrow morning. It won’t erase silly food behaviour, but it will make me feel a bit better.

OK, at least this silliness is at the beginning of my slimming world week, which means I can try to make up for it by thursday and hopefully not get super stressed about weigh in.

Plans!

Sun: gym, green smoothie, baked beans and veggie sausages, fruit ryvitas, brocolli cheez (this sauce), and make something beany for work lunches

Mon: gym, green smoothie, beany something for lunch,  possibly eating out for tea in which case salad, or otherwise beans and veggie sausages

Tue: gym, green smoothie, beany something for lunch, seeing friends after work, something quick for tea like cereal?

I just need to snap out of it, and get back to the mindset I had last week. It felt good, and in control, and normal. I think I am out of the crazy now. It’s TOTM on tuesday so hopefully that won’t knock me off balance too much – I always end up feeling a bit bloaty. I just need to remember how ace 12.4 felt, and how good I’ll feel if I could be that, or even a bit smaller for our holiday in May, and how much easier life is when thursdays aren’t the most stressful day ever, and food isn’t the enemy.

Advertisements

I got weighed

Latte with caramel syrup (heA + 4)

Banana

Apple

Nakd bar – berry (heB)

20 cashews (heB)

I got weighed. First week in ages of being sensible, went to the gym 4 times, yoga once, stayed within syns, walked lots.

Lost half a pound.

Are you fracking kidding me? Bollocks. I feel pretty cheated actually. And it’s not the best situation, exercise lots, eat well, lose a pathetic amount of weight. I deserve more than that. And the silly thing is, before I got weighed, I was fairly convinced I’d have lost about 2 pounds, and I was feeling good. But then I lost half a pound and now I’m in a right grump. And I binged. I could pretend it was “indulging” but it wasn’t. Eating a vegetable samosa really quickly while driving home and then being paranoid about having samosa breath which might be noticed by your partner? That’s not normal. Then at home, another samosa, humous, pittas, half a small packet of crisps and 6 jammy dodgers. I guess the stuff I had at home could count as indulgence, it was the car which was crazy behaviour.

Ho hum. Onward. I guess I just need to get on with it, and get back on it and not lose the plot any more. I need to go to weigh-in next week knowing I deserve to lose weight. Maybe I’ll try and have 5-8 syns per day.

Here’s a couple of positives:

  • I ate today. Not loads, but some. I’m feeling good about that. Over time I will build up to eating breakfast and lunch (even if it’s cereal and salad), but for the time being, what I had today is huge progress.
  • It was lovely going to SW knowing that I deserved to lose weight. I was nervous while in the queue, but not deep down dreading it.
  • I got into lotus pose at yoga last night. And after yoga I felt amazing. Alive.

Plan for this week:

  • 5-8 syns per day
  • Gym lots, and do yoga at home once
  • Green smoothies for breakfasts
  • Jacket potatoes for tea

It is tough working so hard all week and not being rewarded with weight loss. But no-one said losing weight was easy did they? I just have to keep working at it and not give up.

Tue 8th March

Breakfast:

Tea with agave (0.5), cocoa nakd bar [heB], banana

Snack:

Fruit salad, tea with agave x 2 (1), 5 almonds and 10 cashews (heB)

Lunch:

Bean chilli and an orange

Snack:

Apple, tea with sugar (1)

Tea:

2 wicken fen sausages (5), 1 potato waffle (3.5), baked beans

Snack:

Tea with agave (0.5) and 4 jammie dodgers (16)

  • Usual walk, both ways (Seacourt)
  • Gym – 20 mins cycle and 20 mins cross trainer
  • Syns: 27.5
  • Total syns for the week so far: 84.5

This whole scale rejection thing is quite difficult!! I had a really strong urge to weigh myself this morning! But I know that whatever it said, it would mess me up. And this is day 5 of being “on plan” and I’m feeling really good. I’m even wearing a pale grey jumper for work instead of black. 🙂

I fell over today. One minute I was happily walking, the next minute all of my body weight is on one knee. Ouchie. That was at about 3.30. And even though it hurt (lots!), I still went to the gym!!! I had a bit of an internal dialogue, and almost talked myself out of it, but I went 😀 I thought about how I’d feel like I’d let myself down if I didn’t go, and remembered that that kind of thinking can lead to bingey nonsense and sadness. I also decided I’d go for a bit, and even if I didn’t do the usual 40 mins of cardio, I’d do a bit.

Oh, and I know I’m over my syns (for the day that is, I’m fine for the week), but god damn, did I enjoy those biscuits!!!! Loved every one of them and was fine afterwards, no urge to binge or eat more.

Mon 7th March

Breakfast:

Latte (heA) with sugar (1), homemade carrot and raisin muffin (5) and dorset cereals fruity porridge (heB)

Snack:

Apple and a berry nakd bar [heB]

Lunch:

Leftover bol (3.5 For sundried toms and loyd g sauce)

Snack:

Mango and a tea with agave (0.5)

Later snack (after giving blood):

3 ginger snaps (7.5)

Tea:

Chilli with nooch [heA] and chips

Snack:

Tea with agave (0.5) and a homemade muffin (5)

  • Walked one way (Seacourt)
  • Syns: 23

Went a bit over today. But hey, I did give away almost a pint of blood! And I’m confident I’ll make it up by thursday. Had a wobble with the muffin (ate it quickly in the kitchen and considered having more) but I managed. I’m feeling healthy from eating all of this good food – plenty of beans and veggies. Oh, and when I gave blood, the nurse said my iron levels were “really good” 😀

Sun 6th March

Breakfast:

A banana and a homemade carrot-raisin muffin (5), and one tea with agave (0.5)

Lunch:

Roasted cauliflower and 3 frys herb sausages (3), tea with agave (0.5) and fruit ryvitas (heB)

Snack:

Mango

Tea:

Bean chilli and brown rice with nooch [heA]

Snack:

Vanilla soya yogurt (4) with grape nuts (heB), 1 tbsp blackstrap molasses (2)

  • Gym – 20 mins cycle, 20 mins cross trainer
  • Syns: 15

Another good day! Feeling great 🙂

And we’ve just booked our holiday in May – vegas, sequoias, and san fran!!!

*ETA: Now it’s later on, and I’m sitting here desperately trying not to binge. There’s lots of biscuits around me, and I want to eat them all, say “sod the diet until tomorrow” and over indulge. But I know how shit I’ll feel if I do, and I know why I want to binge – I’m feeling crap about going to work tomorrow. It’s been bothering me all weekend and I don’t want to deal with the crap which is going to happen tomorrow.

* ETA, again…I managed! I had 2 oranges. And now, much though I would like to have some biscuits, it’s just that I want them, and a normal level of self control is required. The desperate binge feeling is gone. It just goes to show, that when I feel bingey, there’s probably a reason for it, which I need to acknowledge. And also that I must must MUST always have fruit in. Because if I hadn’t had any oranges in, I would have eaten something else. I don’t know if I would have had one muffin and used 5 syns, or whether I’d have had bread, cereal, porridge, chocolate, crumpets etc. I don’t know if the 5 syns would have pushed me into “screw it I’ll start tomorrow” territory, or if I would have stopped. But I feel good. I’m at my syn limit for the day and I narrowly avoided a binge. Good stuff!!

Sat 5th March

Breakfast:

Vanilla soya yogurt (4) with vogels ultra bran (heB)

Snack:

Tea with agave (0.5)

Lunch:

Roasted cauliflower and courgette with half a tin of spicy refried beans

Snack:

Mango, tea with agave (0.5), 2 fruit ryvitas (heB)

Tea:

Wholewheat spaghetti, loyd grossman sauce (3) with onion, tinned tomatoes, courgette, sundried tomatoes (0.5), linda mc mince, petit pois and nooch [heA]

Snack:

2 oranges, tea with agave (0.5) and a tbsp blackstrap molasses (2)

  • Gym – 20 mins cycle, 20 mins cross trainer
  • Syns: 10.5

Good day! That’s 2 in a row! And I’m feeling fitter and healthier. The gym is so good for my mental health, I need to remember that. And when I go, it’s fine, and it’s over pretty quickly and I feel great.

Everything is in my control. By making good choices and sticking to my food plans, and by staying in control, I am in control of my mental health and my feelings on a daily basis. If I continue to be sensible, thursday and the days up to it won’t be stressful, they will be normal. It’s all in my hands.

Fri 4th March

Breakfast:

Banana and nakd bar – berry (6)

Snack:

Apple and orange

Lunch:

Salad box from covered market (heB x 2 – seeds and oil)

Tea:

Chips, beans, 3 x frys sausages

Snack:

Tea with agave (0.5), 1 tbsp blackstrap molasses (2)

  • Gym – 20 mins cycle, 20 mins cross trainer
  • Syns: 8.5

syn-free vegan sausages!

OK. Fresh start. Got weighed yesterday, and, having missed 2 weigh-ins, I gained 2 pounds. Which was way better than I thought. It’s a good job I go with my friend, because I might well have jacked the whole thing in by now if I didn’t. I was feeling really fed up with the whole thing, and like it was making me mental too.

But anyway, I’m not going to dwell on that. Ranted about it yesterday with my SW friend so feeling ok now. Looking forward to being in control, not binging, feeling good and losing weight.

The plan is; making exciting food, being organised with food, keeping up with the gym, try to have less than 10 syns per week, keep my sanity, don’t let the week revolve around thursday weigh-ins, and eat on thursdays (yes, current stupid behaviour – i’m going to build it up week by week).