Struggling

Here’s what yesterday was like:

  • Usual walk (both ways)
  • Gym – 20 mins cycle, 20 mins cross trainer

Breakfast:

Vanilla soya yogurt (4) with a banana

Snack:

Mango

Lunch:

Asda chickpea dal and doves farm low fat cereal bar [heB]

Snack:

Apple

Tea:

Olives (1)

Oats so simple (heB) with blackstrap molasses (2)

A tangerine

And then it went wrong. The tangerine was rubbish. Hard to peel, lots of white bits, lots of pips, very tough and not juicy. Disappointing. So I wanted something else. (It is worth mentioning that I went to the gym at 8.15pm, on the way home from a friends house, which is why I was just having porridge for tea – it was almost 10pm by the time I was eating.) I considered chickpea dal, and then didn’t have it because I convinced myself I wouldn’t have anything else. Then I ended up back in the kitchen, getting a big bowl of the cereal I’d bought for when my parents visit on Thursday (I don’t buy nice cereal usually because I can’t control myself – this was nature’s path cashew and ginger, gorgeous stuff). Then I had another bowl. And then one more. And you know what? That was a whole box. How ridiculous is that? I didn’t even want the last bowl, or probably even the second one. I felt so full and awful afterwards. Bloated and miserable and pissed off with myself.

But hey. I guess it could have been worse. It was only cereal. Lesson learned. Actually 2 lessons. 1, don’t go to the gym so late and 2, if I do, then I should still cook a proper meal – I could have put veggies in the oven before I got in the shower.

I don’t know how many times I can do this – thinking I’ll eat “light” (i.e. porridge), or not eat at all, and then binge. It’s always the same. I don’t seem to learn. But I have to, don’t i?

I haven’t written about SW on here for a bit. I missed last week because I was ill, and then I can’t go this week because my parents are coming to stay. And to be honest, I know I’ve gained weight so if it wasn’t for letting my friend down, I’d probably not ever go back. I’ve just been gaining weight and being crazy since xmas, I don’t know what’s up with me. I need to get back in control. I’m so worried about going next time.

But at least I have been walking to and from work, and I’ve been to the gym twice now. So I’m still moving! And the gym makes me feel good. I need to think of my health, every day. And think of the effects of bad choices.

So anyway, here’s my plan for tomorrow:

Breakfast:

Mango

Snack: 20 cashews (heB)

Lunch:

M+S superwholefood salad (5)

Snack:

Apple

Tea:

Tahini rice and beans from veganyumyum (heB)

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