Thoughts and plans

As often happens on a sunday, I get all thinky. So here’s my thoughts, and some plans for the week ahead.

Exercise – I have just been doing my usual 3 miles of walking, 5 days a week (between car and work) which is good. It’s nice to know I can lose weight without being at the gym 3 times a week too. I do plan to do more yoga, and some jogging again at some point, but at the moment it’s nice to be doing this without. It makes it feel less like a “diet” and more like real life!

Clothes sizes – I’m getting really annoyed with the lack of standardisation in clothing sizes. I think this bothered me less when I was generally a 16 in everything. Some 16’s wouldn’t fit, but most would. But now, some 16’s hang off me, while 14’s don’t come close to fitting. I tried on lots of clothes this weekend (i have many many sizes in the wardrobe). I currently have 2 pairs of work trews I wear, both 16’s, and both baggy and falling off. They actually look really unflattering too, since they are so big. However, the 5 pairs of 14’s in my cupboards wouldn’t even button up. Ridiculous. But I did find some 16’s which I’ve not worn, which do fit nicely. So at least I have one pair!! I also tried on lots of my jeans, and found some more to wear. I reckon when I’m about 11.5 stone, my fat face 14’s should fit. So frustrating. but i can’t wait ’til I can wear some of the clothes I have; I’ve got such nice stuff I’ve never worn. This is because as I got bigger, I was both afraid of changing rooms (having a breakdown in one due to mirrors/clothes not fitting etc.) and in denial. This meant that even though deep down I knew I was no longer a 14, I would buy them in the vain hope that everything would be ok and they would magically fit. Ridiculous I know.

Stress relief: work at the minute is incredibly stressful, with ridiculous demands all the time, agendas changing constantly, and to top it all off, everyone’s super stressed about possibly losing their job when my unit gets restructured in the new year. This means that people are both worried about being made reduntant, and jumping through hoops to make themselves seem indispensible (which often means my managers agreeing or offering to do things, and then telling me to do them. ace). So, I need to make sure I look after myself for the next few weeks so I don’t lose the plot. I’m lucky in that at work my boss understands me, and is fine when in 1-2-1’s with her I swear like a sailor and talk about how it’s all bollocks (she agrees) so at least I’m not suffering in silence at work! However it’s so hard that I get really wound up and worried, which in turn affects my sleep and ability to switch off from work when I’m not there. So. Plans. I need to make sure my lunch breaks are chilled – reading a book in a cafe for example (not wandering around stupid shops with stupid christmas songs on). I also need to make sure my evenings are chilled out, and though they usually are, I need to concentrate on self care and relaxation. Less laptop, more reading books. Less telly, more yoga and meditation. Less washing up, more saxophone. Good food.

How I’m doing: Feeling good. Nice to be able to try things on and not feel sad, just hopeful about wearing certain things in the future and seeing it as doable.

Plans for the week:

Not got much on this week, apart from a super crappy work week ahead of me. Weigh-in tomorrow. Might change weigh-in classes in the future, to a tuesday or thursday. I miss baking at the weekends! I’d have liked to make muffins today (pb+j ones from the Vegan Girl’s guide to life, to be exact) but getting weighed tomorrow means I didn’t want to. I have my sax lesson on wed (must practise tonight!) and I think that’s about it – no evening plans. Good stuff. I want to make some more interesting lunchy food, so will do some shopping before I get weighed tomorrow, to plan for the week ahead.

Bring on xmas!! Not that bothered about the event itself but I’ve booked 2 weeks off work. Only 4 weeks til I’m off – that’s only 20 working days! Woo! 🙂


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