Wed 3rd Nov

Green smoothie – 1/2 bag spinach, banana, light soya milk

Tea with agave x 4 (2)

Noodlebar for lunch – steamed rice with garlic and chilli vegetables and cashews (only 4 cashews!! counting heB x 2 for cashews and oil – was planning on counting some syns but there wasn’t much sauce and it wasn’t very oily so I think the heBs will cover it)

Tofu scramble – tofu, mashed cauliflower, sweetcorn, green beans, s+p, turmeric

Blueberries – 150g

  • Total syns: 2
  • Usual walk (Seacourt)

Check me out! It’s now 8.30pm, and I’m feeling good. No urges here. Totally sensible day, and one sensible enough that I have almost got over last night’s sillyness. I guess I needed to remind myself that I can do self control, I’m doing ok, my relationship with food isn’t completely screwed. It’s complicated. But my body deserves better than being punished with fat and sugar, and my mind deserves more than being sad, and sobbing on the sofa while my partner is upstairs because I feel so shit about a binge. I deserve better than that, I know I do! And I also deserve to have syns every day. A few biscuits, some pesto, crisps even. Maybe a wrap for lunch, or a yogurt for breakfast. I deserve to have nice things every day, rather than one binge of misery, which in the 10 minutes it’s happening, seems like the only thing which will calm my mind, and make me feel better. There are better things for that. I know it’s difficult (seems impossible at the time) to do these things instead of binge – the binge seems like the only option – but I will try.

  • Yoga
  • Meditation
  • Reading a good book or magazine
  • Jewellery making
  • Playing my sax
  • Trying tai chi or hooping
  • Tap dancing
  • Jogging or walking
  • Chatting to the fish
  • Washing up
  • Planning meals, reading recipe books

Quick syns thought:

60ish on tuesday, 2 today, possibly 10 tomorrow. That leaves friday, saturday and sunday (won’t have any on monday).  33 syns left for those 3 days.  I know I planned to minimise syns / have less than the full allowance, but I think to give myself the best possible chance of succeeding I’ll just have them all. In theory I should still lose weight.

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