Tue 2nd Nov

Banana

Apple

Ryvita minis (heB)

Boiled carrots, asparagus and green beans

Light soya milk in tea x 2 and on cereal (heA)

Agave in tea x 2 (1)

2 nairns oat biscuits (4)

1 elderflower herb drop (0.5)

2 gherkins

Chips and baked beans

2 wheat biscuits (heB)

2 lotus biscuits (3)

Jelly sweet (1)

  • Total syns: 9.5
  • Usual walk (Seacourt)

3pm – Struggled a bit after lunch today. I guess my 100% vegetable lunch didn’t quite hit the mark – probably due to the lack of carbs. I found myself desperately wanting to binge / overeat on sugary “naughty” stuff like chocolate covered marzipan, crisps and biscuits. I knew how easy it would be to throw away today, and have 50 syns, but I also knew how shit I would feel. Also, how proud of myself I’ll be if I get to the end of the day having less than 10 syns. So I bought some nairns biscuits (they come in 2-biscuit portion packs) and had one, along with a lovely cup of tea. All afternoon I resisted the urge to eat more biscuits.

I totally acknowledge that this is because I feel crappy about yesterday’s weigh-in. I was so pleased to be 12.5 1/2, and now I’m 12.9 1/2 and it feels shit. I find myself feeling chunkier and heavier because of the numbers, and actually yesterday before I got weighed I felt alright. I feel like I’ve let myself down.

But you know, I just have to get on with it. Have the best week I can (despite 2 work lunches out at a noodlebar, wed and thur) and have a good result on Monday. I’m not going to try and do no syns, just try to have fewer than the full amount. The fact that I’m not swimming will mean my losses will slow down anyway so if I have a few less syns than usual then hopefully I’ll do ok on Monday. I do feel positive that I can stay on track this week but it feels like a bit of a struggle.

7pm – I am actually sitting here desperately talking myself into NOT binging. There’s bread in the kitchen and i really want some, with olive spread. And biscuits and all kinds of things. But you know what? I’ll feel so shit if I do that. SO SHIT. And if I can overcome this and get through today without doing it, I’ll be so very proud of myself. So I am just going to write some plans for the week here, and keep myself occupied browsing the net and stuff. I’ll be ok!

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